tinder and the hook up culture
"I bet he's taking up some valuable real estate in your brain!", she said. "I'd say he's occupying a small bachelor apartment in my head right now", she replied. (as written between some close and personal friends of mine. Text style of course).
Ahh the life of a single girl. Not me, but I am living vicariously through some of my close girlfriends who are. The banter sometimes keeps me on my toes, but mostly it just cracks me up. Exhibit A in the quote above as you can see. I could give you a few more examples, but they aren't exactly G rated and lets keep this platform clean, mmmmkay folks?
But this really is what dating is like in Vancouver these days, according to my trusted friends. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been off the market that long and no, it hasn't changed that much, but I can't help but feel that it has gotten slightly worse.
When you like someone, its hard not to be consumed by them; thinking of them constantly, wondering if he/she will call, when will it be the next time you see them and are they dating other people? How long do you wait to have 'the talk' and by talk I mean, exclusivity. Its all to familiar and it certainly was for me when I was single (lets be honest, I didn't meet the love of my life until the ripe age of 35, so I had my fair share of exciting yet horrendous dating experiences...both offline and on). Nuff said.
With the barrage of dating websites and, most recently, 'location-based social discovery applications' like Tinder, Happn, Hinge, Grindr and more recently, Bumble, it seems to be impossible for any decent, kind-hearted, successful yet humble single human being to find true love in this hookup culture. Or is it? I read an article in Vanity Fair called "Tinder & the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse" and as my friend so eloquently said, "I almost threw up in my mouth a bit reading about the amount of debauchery that's going on out there". Where the innovation of the swipe thanks to Tinder, allows people to hook up instantly and, as noted in the Vanity Fair article, probably having a good shot of finding someone, meeting them and sleeping with them before midnight that evening. I think my parents would be throwing up in their mouth if they knew that!
Now, back to my girlfriends' dating lives.
I have about a handful of beautiful, intelligent, grounded, successful, kind and loyal close friends who are still at it and I often wonder why they haven't found Mr. Right For Them. Vancouver is one of those cities where the women are abundant and the men are not (and if I'm really be honest, I've heard its the same in cities like New York, LA and Toronto). In fact, most people just complain about the dating scene no matter where they live.
Sure it could be said they're looking in all the wrong places, and I'm brutally honest with them in telling them so. I expected the same from them when I was single. I've often found myself on repeat mode: "umm, what did you expect - you met him while he was working.....and he's a bartender", or "didn't you date him a couple months ago", and my favourite..... "How many Dave's are you dating cause I feel like its the same guy?"
I'm one of many who found love outside of Vancouver (and online ironically enough) simply because I felt like I dated every Tom, Dick and Harry in this beautiful city and let me tell you - none of them stuck. I'm so glad they did not, because it made room for the one person who was truly my soulmate. What was meant to be was meant to be and clearly I was meant to meet a funny, confident, loving, sincere, honest & trustworthy man who thinks the world of me, who is from a small town in Northern Alberta with a pick up truck and a trailer.
The moral of this story is that you just never know where your love life will take you & who will be 'the one'. Don't assume it will never happen because when it does it will hit you like a ton of bricks and happen when you least expect it and often in the package you never thought possible.
Stay humble, keep your options open and don't put your eggs in one basket (my friends and I would call this 'building a stable' because it really does take the pressure off). Don't settle. And in the words of my favourite heroine Carrie Bradshaw (ok, she's no Jane Austin, so please hold your judgement), 'Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.'