mourning the loss of....
Before you get all worried here, no one died.
But, the life I always knew, the life I was familiar with, and loved so much is slowly coming to an end. So I'm technically mourning the loss of that life as Nate and I prepare to embark on the BIGGEST life change for both of us.....PARENTHOOD!
Mourning may seem like a bit of an exaggeration, but I don't feel any guilt over feeling this way. It's the brutal, honest truth of how I've been feeling ever since I entered my 3rd trimester of pregnancy. At 39 years of age, I've lived a full, wonderful (sometimes challenging), rich, successful life where I had the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted. I have been fortunate enough to fail miserably (yes, FORTUNATE) and learn from these failures, experience successes beyond my wildest dreams had the opportunity to really be on my own. I've built up a network of people around me who are my tribe, those who inspire me, support me and will be there in my corner for life. And my incredible family has never left my side and still believes in me (even through all the rough patches) and I am so happy they soon get to witness me being a first time parent. And now, through this next phase of my life, I will still be able to lean on all of them because that's the kind of people they are.
I'm not an idiot and this stuff is not lost on me, and neither is the fact that I'm even fortunate to experience having a child with an incredible partner who has been by my side 100%. It's just a hard realization when you know life will never be the same - altered - but more rich. Not as easy, but doable. I will never forget those experiences I've had before my baby is born, but I'm looking forward to the new experiences he/she brings into our life.
With less than 5.5 weeks to go before we welcome our little bundle of joy, these yuppy pangs definitely place a lot of guilt on me, but I'm soaking it up one week, day, hour and minute at a time. It's like squeezing the sweet nectar from a piece of fruit! I'm trying to do just that with the precious amount of (limited) me-time I have left before I enter full time mommy hood. Diapers, baths, middle-of-the-night-feedings, spit up, burping and all the glorious moments that come with being a new mom. Bring it on!
Pinch me, I can't believe I'm lucky enough to experience this.