a coming attraction...
For those of you who missed our Facebook post, we shared some pretty exciting news yesterday!
We're going to be parents in December! #babyholscher is due December 23, 2016!
As some of you may know, making baby hasn't been the easiest. Well 'making' has been easy (wink wink) but through two miscarriages, a 2+ year long distance relationship and many doubts and questions, its been a longer, more stressful road than I thought. I often wondered if this was really going to happen for us.
At 39 years old, age was not on my side, so to say our optimism was running at an all time high would be a little white lie. I've been very candid on my blog about our past experiences and through this, I've been fortunate enough to have other women open up and share their experiences. I LOVED all the comments and personal notes I received after that post, it melts my heart how honest and thoughtful everyone was. More importantly, how it gave them comfort in telling me their story.
I've been vocal about the fact that we as a society (mostly women) don't talk openly enough (or at all) about miscarriages, how they make us feel - emotionally, physically - and how they effect us in the long term. I realize this is such a personal topic for women and some just choose to keep their experiences close to their chest, but having been through it a few times, I found it so cathartic. They're discouraging indeed, but remaining hopeful is one thing every woman can do for themselves. We just never know what life has in store for us and it's completely out of our control. That alone is tough to deal with. Trust me, I've been there and we're still not out of the woods. But then again, as soon-to-be-parents, will we ever be out of the woods?
After the 2nd miscarriage, I had my doctor refer me to the Re-Occurring Loss Clinic at BC Women's Hospital so I could try and find SOME answers to why and all they could say is that they don't really start to panic or investigate further unless you've had 3+ miscarriages (GULP?! WTF? You mean I have to experience this a handful more times?? How many D&C's can one woman experience??) and sometimes there is just no reason as to why women miscarry. But I found out what I could, investigated into my health and that's all I could do. I had to just be at peace with it.
So fast forward to one Saturday morning in late March. I knew something was up with my body. We had tried when I was ovulating and I was almost a week late. I felt in my gut that I was pregnant so I woke up early, did the deed and waited the obligatory 3 minutes. And poof, this was the result staring me in the face:
Once I found out I was shocked and surprised but also scared. No matter if you've been through 1 or 6 miscarriages, you have a tendency to be on guard and try not to get too excited. You just never know if this is actually going to happen. No matter how many +++ signs were staring me in the face! I went into the bedroom and woke up Nate. I showed him the test and said "hey wake up! You're going to be a dad!". He was like "what????!!!" And then his heart melted. Its moments like this when I know I'm with the right man. Nate's always been excited at the possibility of being a father one day, so he was thrilled to get such great news.
Even though I woke him out of a deep slumber.
On a Saturday morning.
But, we waited because we weren't going to get too excited until I passed our first dating ultrasound and I knew there was a heartbeat. In fact, to this day I STILL have my OB/GYN take a quick heartbeat scan when I go in for my checkups - I'm THAT paranoid! When you're in your first trimester, you don't feel any movement, you're really not showing (first time moms that is) and you're body is just in the beginning stages of creating this new human. Yes, creating a human. I still am shocked when I say that. Women's bodies are truly amazing!
Nate was with me the day of the dating ultrasound, which was so comforting and made a world of difference. Once the technician started the exam, she immediately said "there is a heartbeat. A strong one". I could not believe it. I could see it on the screen - even at 9 weeks! Nate later join me, stood at the foot of the bed and saw the heartbeat. He grabbed my foot and just said "that is awesome news" and started breathing again. Then he wiped the tears from his eyes (he'll be thrilled you all know this:). I have never seen him so happy, so relieved. What a moment we will cherish forever.
Now I'm well into my 3rd month at 16 weeks and all our tests have been done - baby is healthy and growing normal. It's still very surreal and I think we're still in shock that our lives are seriously changing as we prepare for this next chapter. An exciting chapter nonetheless, but still very scary.
As we embark on this next journey in our life, we are still so filled with questions, anxieties, excitement, uncertainties, and upcoming milestones (not to mention BILLS!). And the burning question everyone has? When is the wedding???
Well, lets just say I never envisioned my father walking his knocked up daughter down the aisle, so we will be waiting until after we have the baby. Not quite how I pictured my dream life to look, but like I said, you just never know what life has in store for you.
You just have to grab life by the balls and run with it. And I couldn't be happier.
andrea + nate