when the urge is simply not there
I feel like I've been MIA lately. What have you done with yourself in my absence?! Have you missed my voice?
Ok, maybe that's asking too much, but I have felt MIA from the writing front for a bunch of various reasons....so I might as well write a short post about it.
Three months ago I was bored out of my mind. Blogging was the only light in my life that gave me motivation and something to do (aside from my partner that is) but having just quit my job, moved to another city, finding out that we were expecting and so much more, I felt out of place and lost. What the hell happened to my life and how did it change so quickly?!
Fast forward six months later and I feel like there are just not enough hours in the day. Being bored is an after thought and I keep telling myself it's only going to get busier with a kid on the way.
I have successfully landed a full-time WFH (work from home) head of marketing job for a US based tech company (yeah me!), continue to change in size DAILY thanks to this peanut inside of me that is now the size of a rutabaga (WTF is a rutabaga by the way? I had to Google it....), prepare the nursery (I'm very A.D.D. and ahead of schedule as per usual), finalize projects in the works related to my blog (which I am excited to announce shortly!), make it to the gym at least 3 times a week, going to more doctors appointments and getting more blood work, and working with my personal coach who I talk to once a week which also requires thought, reflection and hard work. Oh and there's always the day-to-day "what am I going to cook for dinner", "who do I need to connect with and catch up with" guilt trip I give myself.
Aside from all of that, I rarely have the time these days to blog but the urge just hasn't been there. Maybe I'm going through a lazy phase or I'm tapped out of content (temporarily I hope), but every time I have all the intention in the world to do so, I just can't.
If I weren't pregnant right now, I'd be reaching for that daily glass of wine. Or bottle. To get me through of course. Liquid courage as they like to say.
So, what would my coach say? He'd likely giggle first then understand that this is just the way that I am. I'm very Type A and hard on myself, but I have been learning not to beat myself up and feel bad. I can only do so much. Figure out what's REALLY important for me to accomplish and stick to it.
Besides, if there is one thing I am fully taking advantage of and NOT beating myself up about is the choice to be utterly lazy some days. Nate and I often catch ourselves doing things we know will be harder once the baby comes. Like him sleeping in on a Saturday while I head to the gym. Or running errands on the weekend, then grabbing a casual lunch...just the two of us. Its not to say we won't be able to do these little things, but it will forever be different once the baby arrives. And hey, if we want to stay in and watch marathon sessions of Ray Donovan, than we are A-OKAY with that too. Because we CAN RIGHT NOW! (PS - if you haven't seen this show I highly recommend it!).
What I'm learning through this process is, once again, to just chill the f*** out and know that this is likely just a phase. I've been through it so many times in my life, you would think I'd be used to it by now. But I'm a woman and I am just built this way.
Plus, I can't stop dreaming of a baby moon trip to New York City because I just miss it so much. I miss the energy, the endless list of things to do and places to see. The fall colours in Central Park and the crisp breeze.
If only I can convince my penny-pincher, tightwad of a fiancee that we need this now. Wish me luck.